The silent cost of success no one talks about
This is FOR YOU, dear CEO and business owner,
If you are trapped in constant performing, achieving, and never resting… You are missing your purpose.
You haven’t left space to truly live your calling — to feel your heart fulfilled in what you do.
After more than two decades of working with CEOs and business owners — most of them men — I’ve seen the same pattern: their success has cost them dearly, and they don’t realize it until the pace of “doing” starts to take its toll.
By the time they reach me, they’ve achieved what many dream of — business success, leadership influence, and community recognition.
And yet… they don’t feel fulfilled unless they’re doing something. That “doing” becomes a temporary fix for deeper pain — a distraction from inner peace, joy, and self-knowing.
Inside, there’s a lack. A longing.
Relationships that matter most have grown thin.
The common theme? Work harder to get ahead. Try to control outcomes.
This inner push keeps them moving forward… while pushing away emotions and vulnerability. Over time, this unintentionally strains relationships with family and friends.
They create a silo around themselves by not revealing what’s really going on inside.
They believe they must be strong, never show weakness to a spouse or team.
They avoid fear, stuffing it down.
They bury grief, sadness, and disappointment.
When we finally begin deep conversations about legacy and where they are right now, the walls break. Often, they cry — finally feeling safe enough to name what they’ve created… and what they no longer want.
For example:
Their children are grown, off to college, and they realize they missed truly knowing them and creating lasting memories.
Their marriage is strained, sometimes to the point where a spouse is ready to leave.
And just as important: their soul has not been met by the purpose they were meant to fulfill — because they’ve been too busy creating and completing tasks, driving the company, steering the ship.
In the end, no matter how much we acquire, we can’t take it with us.
One day, your children will leave to create their own lives, and you’ll be left with your partner — or alone. Your business may be thriving… but are you?
I’ve worked with billionaires who built companies from the ground up, and with startups fighting to survive. The common thread? Something is missing in the heart and soul.
If you’re curious about knowing yourself more deeply and creating a different kind of life, reach out before it’s too late.
My story
Thirteen years ago, I nearly died as a competitive cyclist. My whole life had been about overachieving — winning at everything:
First chair violinist
Top athlete
President’s Club in sales
Homeschooling my children
Launching a company in 2008 and building it to national success within five months, earning $60,000 a day, then selling it a few years later
And yet, on June 1, 2013, in that cycling race, I wasn’t supposed to survive. My life was spared — a second chance.
I realized: Winning is not why I’m here.
But learning that came at a high cost.
I discovered that most CEOs and business owners are just like me — addicted to pushing forward, never slowing down for what matters most.
You are meant for more than this, too.
Another theme I often hear: men still trying to earn their father’s approval. As children, we all crave our parents’ acceptance. But as adults, waiting for others to declare us worthy will never bring peace. We are not responsible for what others feel or think — only for showing up fully, with curiosity and kindness, loving ourselves so that we can love others.
Ignoring yourself, overriding your own truth — it’s killing you inside. It creates physical pain, emotional trauma, and broken relationships… especially with yourself.
The moment that changed me
On the day I almost died, I called out to God, asking why I had been spared.
The answer came through my 9-year-old daughter. Watching commuters in Hinsdale, Illinois, board the train, she asked from the backseat,
“Mama, why does everyone look so unhappy going to work?”
Her question pierced my heart. I could not ignore it.
When I paused, I heard my calling:
Thank God I almost died doing something I loved and was great at. These dear, precious people getting on the train are dying a slow death doing something they’re not called to do. I am here to wake them up — and I’m going straight to the top. Those who have the most suffer the most.
That calling has guided me ever since.
Today
I have had the honor of working with countless CEOs and their teams — transforming not only how they relate to one another, but how they relate to themselves.
Transforming lives to transform business is my purpose.
My mission is to help as many people as possible discover why they are here and live out their aligned purpose before their time runs out.
We never know what’s around the corner. I have seen firsthand how fragile life is.
If even one part of what I’ve shared resonates with you, I encourage you to reach out. I would be honored to walk a new path with you.
Let’s take 15 minutes to see if we want to explore further - https://calendly.com/booksunderlandcoaching/15min
Email me: debra@sunderlandcoaching.com
Text me: 708-989-1159
You matter too much to wait.
I know it might be scary to face what you’ve avoided. Yes, it may bring pain and sadness to look at what’s been lost. But it is not too late. And you are not alone.
Here’s what others have found when they did the deep work:
“My time with Debra moved me from our very first conversation. … Debra has opened my eyes to finding comfort in one's discomfort… It is one of the most subtly profound journeys I’ve taken; … already having a meaningful impact on every relationship in my life, both personally and professionally.”
— J., New York
“Being part of the Gold Circle Genius‑ship retreat was unlike any other experience! … This transformational retreat space brought true vulnerability … Breaking free of my limiting patterns is now helping me to create new businesses with less stress and more clarity and deeper personal relationships!”
— Cain Myers | Founder, Boundbrook Advisors
“The knowledge I have gained since working with Debra has impacted not only my work‑life but my personal life as well. … I am a more open and curious leader, able to detect when fear is driving my decisions vs creativity. … Working with Debra has truly changed my life for the better!”
— Mary Pillow Thompson | Co‑Founder & COO at foh&boh / Versher