What Does Love Really Mean To You?

CEOs, founders, and overachievers,

What Does Love Really Mean To You?

“Do you know how to love yourself?” What a funny question! Right? This is the number
one question I have asked thousands of leaders I have coached. And, you know
what? Not one of them said YES.

Why do I ask? I believe that how we treat ourselves drives our work, our life, and our
relationships.

I understand this in a profound way, as I grew up in a home that was highly conditional. If I didn’t do what was expected, there would be unkind words, threats, and many times much worse. I was being taught that I had to earn approval and love. That experience has been
one of my biggest gifts ever.

By the time I was nine years old, I had to decide what love meant. Deep down inside, I knew that I must choose to believe in myself in order to define what love meant to me — so I could survive mentally and emotionally. And this was the only thing I could control to bring inner peace. Decide what love means and where it comes from.

My options: I could believe what I was being told by others, or I could choose to be kind and loving to myself. I started to understand the huge difference between unconditional and conditional love by the amount of fear that lived in my belly.

Earning love meant anxiety. Allowing and deciding for love to be unconditional inside of me, gave me the opportunity to be loving to others — just as they are. I could feel the difference. It became a matter of fear or love — and that can be felt in the body. And what is in the body always comes out!

I could not control how my parents treated me, but I could decide what that meant for me. Another gift. I had a sense that there was a greater love for me and the whole world. It was
not what someone told me.

Yes, I went to church, but it was beyond that it was the sense that someone greater than all of us was holding me and the world in peace. I could feel it — beyond the understanding of words. I needed this as a young one to face the giants who were unkind to me because of their fear. This greater love kept drawing me at a young age and I found a great desire to understand what this force, God - Jesus - etc. was.

I was seeking to understand this mighty love, not the human love that is based on rules, fear, or shoulds — but this great sense of deep love that just was and is.

My heart could feel it, which calmed my mind and body. This was the complete opposite of what I was experiencing as a child in my home. In my life, I continue to learn so much
about unconditional love. I have learned that love is believing that I am enough and I have enough right here, right now. This knowing supported me through experiencing the loss of four children, a failed marriage, cancer, and an almost fatal accident where I was not supposed to live and had to learn to walk and talk again. I am still being served the option to practice what I will choose to believe each day.

I continually learn that love is not something you earn, and it isn’t something you can make happen – it just is. I realize over and over again that love is more powerful and much more fulfilling than success. Success, as we know it, is temporary and achieved by striving. How do I know? I have achieved beyond measure (I’m an accomplished: musician, athlete, businesswoman, and entrepreneur.) My daily practice is being open to being in the moment, being aware of myself, others, the beauty of the world, and continuing to open my heart to receiving love.

Love is the path to allowing what is versus controlling everything in life. Love is the friend of curiosity when the unexpected or unwanted happens. Without love — trust, joy, and being fully present is almost impossible. Allow fear to meet love over and over again.

Testing a loving God, I have experienced miracles repeatedly. Gifts to my soul, my mind, and my body. Because of my journey of living a life of childhood terror, I have come to understand that love meets fear —and covers over it. I trust that love meets all fear if I allow it all to be present together. Fear does not have to be pushed away but met. This is the only sustainable way to go beyond fear. And we each make our decisions from love or fear all day long.

How can we tell where we are — in love or fear? When we are not aware of our thoughts, we tend to go into defense, become right, and act out of fear. Scarcity comes from this place. And our body tightens and we push away what we are against. We feel frustrated, and anxious and want to control. That is fear — we can feel this in our bodies. Love is open — the heart expands into joy and curiosity with a willingness to share with others. There is peace and connection to others.

Studying consciousness, I have discovered that we believe our thoughts without checking them 96-98% of the time. And our unconscious bias is based on fear. We tend to automatically think that there is a way to be according to what others think and we don’t check ourselves.

Science says that we have approximately 70,000 thoughts a day that bombard us! And we usually just go along with them — reacting and behaving. I repeat: We do not question our
automatic thoughts.

Hmmm. This is true for most of us until we recondition ourselves to notice our thoughts. I now know that our thoughts lead to our emotions and create our behaviors. And this process leads to our results in life, and in our relationship with ourselves and with others. Our thoughts impact every decision we make in business too! Can you relate?

If we are not being the chooser of what we want to believe, we are reactive to how we want to live, love, and behave moment by moment. Sadly, we are unaware of the power of knowing our inner selves.

Are you unaware of your conditional thinking? When there is a lack of love – fear drives us. There is also a tendency to believe that we are not enough, or that we don’t have enough in our life. Because we have been conditioned to seek approval from doing (not being) and from what others think of us, we keep running this pattern.

Where are you seeking love? I challenge you to be curious and notice where you are making your decisions from. Love is expansive and provides abundant opportunities. Fear puts up walls, and blocks growth in every way. Just notice. No judgment.

Fear creates toxicity to our soul and every part of us – in relationships and even in the workplace. Will you allow love to come towards you today to meet your fear? Will you just open your hands and trust a little bit more that there is good coming your way?

Breathe deeply 3 times. Be present to all of you.

Will you breathe deeply and wonder? What if there is a greater love for you and all of us?

There is always a new possibility right now. The possibility is available because I have breath. And you have breath. And if that exists, you are loved, and you are enough. You are worthy because you have life.

My work is my passion —- waking up people to who they are called to be and how to come back home to self. Success and fulfillment are found at home.

My goal this year is to 10X love! Join me.

Joy. Peace. Love.

Xxoo

Debra

“My Genius is Seeing Yours.”